Okay, so this is an important topic especially for us females. As we are all emotional beings, it's almost rare that we don't seek counsel from our close friends about certain topics concerning our relationship; but you must be careful when seeking relationship advice from friends. Here are some reasons why:
1. Your friends don't know your relationship
When disclosing details of your relationship, Your friends only hear one side of the story and there might be some details that have been left out or are unable to be shared. This means that friendly responses will be a bit clouded as they are not aware of the full extent of the situation.
When telling your friends something that your partner did (usually something bad.) Automatically your friends will be in defense mode and their feedback will be biased because they are your friends and they want to have your back. Once they hear a negative trigger, they will automatically think negatively and give advice based on emotion and not logic.
3. Your friends aren't wired to think like the opposite sex
Your female friends aren't wired to think like men and your male friends aren't wired to think like women. Ten times out of ten your friends are going to give you improper advice based on their own perspective, which will end up being a bit clouded and will possibly create even more confusion for you. Generally I like to get advise from the opposite sex because they know how their own sex functions. Their advice is usually a little bit less biased and is more factually.
4. People truly can't give advice on a subject that they have not been through.
I dealt with this recently, I confided in a friend for advice and she gave me her opinions loud and clear. When the shoe was on the other foot, and she was suddenly going through a similar situation. All of a sudden the same advice didn’t apply. No one can truly give advice unless they've been through what you are going through. Essentially the advice they give will be based on what they think is right and not based on how the situation should truly be handled.
5. Looking For Answers
Ultimately the decision has to be yours. You can't ask your friends for advice expecting for them to give you an answer. Your friends can't truly give you an answer that will be best for you. Mainly because of the reasons listed above and also because they are not you. You have to live with any decision made, therefore the final answers must come from within yourself. Listen to your gut, if you feel something is off in your relationship. The best thing is to communicate this to your partner and then go from there, but asking everyone else is a recipe for disaster.
Acceptable Times To ask friends for relationship advice:
- If you're looking for advice from a friend because they have been where you are looking to go, that is acceptable. This type of advice is acceptable to seek because this person acts almost like a role model. For example: if you are thinking about marriage, seeking advice from a married friend makes sense because they've been where you are trying to go. This is good healthy advice to seek.
2. If you are being abused or mistreated please don’t keep that to yourself. Seek help!!
Before seeking counsel from friends, It's always best to assess the situation. Sometimes listening to your friends creates even more confusion. If it’s not something detrimental then try to figure it out for yourself. Be calm and ask yourself, is this something that I desperately need third party advice. Talking to yourself out loud after a problem is a great way to scale back and really analyze the best course of action. For me, in some situations, speaking with my friends about relationship issues caused me to overreact. Don't get me wrong there were some friends who were able to make me think about things from a different perspective and their feedback actually helped. There were also friends who just fed into my immaturity and only made me more insecure which showed when I spoke with my significant other. Again, I'm not therapist just speaking from my own experiences and things I've done the wrong way in my past. The best thing to remember is, if seeking advice from friends keep it all in perspective and weight out your options before going off on your significant other and spilling the crazy lol.